


When the Light Reaches the Cracks in my Smile

by BabyChocoboAlchemist



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Budding Love, Comfort, Heartache, Hurt, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-14 23:41:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13600929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabyChocoboAlchemist/pseuds/BabyChocoboAlchemist
Summary: "I was just hoping to see you again before you met the land of dreams." The ones with the brightest smiles are those suffering from the most heartache, Arthur being no exception to that rule. After being rescued from a band of murderous brigands, he finds himself helpless-but in steps a most precious friend to set things right.Unfortunately, said friend only turns everything inside out.





	When the Light Reaches the Cracks in my Smile

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how this happened. I just love Arthur and Xander's a sweetheart.

Arthur was supposed to be smiling, but at that moment, in his corner of the universe, he wanted to do nothing but disappear.

The smile that should've been there was scattered glass, just as false as King Garon's rule. Night had fallen, gracing their home with ethereal calm, but the cracks in his smile kept growing. No matter how many steps he took forward, he always seemed to stumble backwards-and just a few hours ago, he managed to stumble fifty miles backwards. He should've been smiling but didn't know how long the facade could go on, didn't know how long he could keep lying to himself, hiding, smiling, breaking. Without anyone seeing. Hearing. Knowing. Least of all Corrin.

Corrin. The one he fought for, got up in the morning for, tried to carve himself into a better man for. The young swordsman was a thousand miles away from him but he fought to close that distance, fought to give Corrin something to be proud of. Their first encounters were warm, wonderful kisses of Spring's promises, softening the cracks, filling in the voids, but the darker time's tides became, the more the distance between them grew. No matter how hard he scrambled to close it, no matter how far he reached for Corrin, nothing worked. Everything fell through his fingers, disappearing as though it had never been. Disappearing as though it shouldn't have been in the first place.

The last couple of hours made the distance between them unfathomable. The morning started off easily enough, with Arthur going on his usual rounds, but the demons lurking in the shadows derailed a precious routine. In no more than the blink of an eye the morning met a premature end, its fragile promises swept into darkness-followed by pain. Waves of pain. Darkness. He tried to claw his way out of the darkness but couldn't, falling deeper into it the more he fought. Hearing nothing but cold, malevolent voices. Laughter. Feeling nothing but frost. Hurt. Blade. Having his pleas fall on deaf ears. 

The world was loud while it was smothered in black. There were voices, far too many voices, none of them welcoming, none of them familiar. He tried to shut them out, waiting for a friendly face, but in doing so he encouraged them to grow louder. The light eventually filtered back into his splintered vision, brought on by the glimmer of familiar blades, but the voices continued. Shifted, twisted, turned, shrieked, Corrin's voice the loudest of them all. Corrin's eyes cutting through him as if he weren't anything but paper.

_"Don't ever go anywhere alone ever again! We could have lost you! Do you know that?! If we had arrived a second later we WOULD have lost you! Gods, don't EVER think of going anywhere alone ever again!"_

He tried. Tried to explain, tried to assure him it would never happen again and how he'd be more careful, but his pleas fell on deaf ears. Corrin was loud but silent, like the rest of the world. Like the darkness he had stumbled into. And in his corner of the world, he kept on smiling but just wanted to disappear. Wanted to make it so Corrin wouldn't ever be burdened with his carelessness, his _stupidity,_ ever again. They had just seen his smile, the friends he had come to love more than life itself, because they _had_ to see him smile. Had to know he was still strong, still cheerful, despite being abducted by a bandits that were out to kill.

But that smile had fallen. And it was just as false as the king Nohr was forced to operate under.

He tried. Tried to smile, tried to believe he could still connect with Corrin, tried to believe he could be worth something, but the voices were just too loud. Silent. Loud. Dark. Penetrating. It was just too dark. Too loud. Too heavy. He wanted to reach someone he just continued to torment. Wanted to reach someone that probably didn't want anything to do with him. Wanted to reach someone that wouldn't ever see him, as Corrin's eyes were focused on the road ahead. 

He tried, but all Arthur wanted to do was disappear.

His friends had welcomed him back into their castle, their home away from home, with the most loving arms anyone could ever ask for. When they embraced him, smiled at him, thanked the gods for bringing him back home, the voices were silent. Everything felt warm. Right. That warmth came to a halt when Corrin reprimanded him, but then it elevated once Xander smiled at him. The voices were silenced again, and darkness became a thing of the past. Effie's friend didn't know if it was for a moment, or for an eon, but when the castle's newest resident told him 'welcome home', all fell into place. There wasn't any fear, there weren't any insecurities-there was only warmth. Silence that wasn't frightening.

That security slipped through Arthur's fingers when Xander left his bedroom.

Just when he thought his night had come to an end, there was a knock on the door. It wasn't Corrin; it couldn't be him. Most likely one of the friends he had fallen madly in love with, paying him another visit before bedtime. He lifted his head with a smile, prepared to greet said friend, but-

"Hello again, Arthur. I hope I'm not disturbing you."

The breath was knocked out of him. Not very many people could knock the wind out of him, but all a certain swordsman had to do was step into a room and everything would stop. The voices, the throbbing in his skull, the thoughts, the restlessness-all of it just _stopped._ "Not at all, fellow defender of justice," he replied after recovering his voice, inwardly stunned over how he regained his voice at all. At the same time he thanked the gods for not having his voice shake, or come out hoarse.

"What brought you back? Is there anything I can do for you, my lord?"

"Nothing at all," the seasoned swordsman replied, shaking his head, and it was in that moment Arthur had the wind knocked out of him again. The voices were gone but if Xander kept knocking the wind out of him, there wouldn't be anything left. Nothing left to hold onto, nothing left to hide behind.

"I was just hoping to see you again before you met the land of dreams. Elise and Camilla _do_ feel that I'm a worry wart. Not that Camilla has any right to talk, but in any case, I'm glad you're on the mend. Do you require any more of my sister's healing arts?"

"Not at all, good sir," Arthur chirped, kicking himself for not coming up with a more creative response. His smile broadened and he hoped it was large enough to hide his ever-deepening cracks. "Lady Elise has done _more_ than enough for me. I'll let her be! Thank you for your concern, though. It is most appreciated."

Xander chuckled and once again everything stopped. Everything was born anew. Everything shifted, fell into place, blossomed. Danced. "You're more than welcome," he said, eyes twinkling, reminding Arthur of constellations glowing within a dark azure sky. 

"It certainly is wonderful to see you haven't lost any of your spunk. Please hold onto it for us, old friend. I'm afraid we'll be needing it much more in the future."

Panic settled into Arthur like poison, infecting every vein, every breath. "You aren't cross with me for upsetting Lord Corrin, my lord?"

"Of course not. And don't you worry about him. Corrin's an even bigger worry-wart than _I_ am. I'm just glad you're all right."

_No I'm not. I'm not all right at all._

"On that note, I'll take my leave. For good, this time. Good night, Arthur."

_No! Don't leave. You CAN'T leave. Please. Please stay. Stay. Stay._

"Good night. Thank you for stopping by!"

Everything became loud and frightening and silent all over again. Xander left and that sense of security, that calm, left with him. Disappeared as though it had been nothing but a dream. Xander left and the voices returned, louder than ever, cutting into him, heart racing, screaming, mind wondering, wandering-

Arthur set his head against his pillow but couldn't close his eyes.

The voices were no longer those of the bandits. Corrin's voice wasn't among them any more.

The voices were his and Xander's. His voice screaming thoughts, questions, fears no one else would ever hear, Xander's infinitely warm and soothing.

It wasn't Corrin he needed to be agonizing over.

\---------------

With only three hours of restless sleep under his belt, a panic-stricken Arthur rushed to tell Elise something the next morning.

_Arthur and Xander achieve B rank._


End file.
